For my First Born Daughter

So I am the mother of a teenager now.  It has been so busy around here that honestly I haven't really reflected on it too much. Mostly because when I do I get a little sad.

Motherhood is sometimes a painful process.  We reminisce on the life of our child from time to time.  I remember the feeling, no, not even that, it was a prompting that we needed to start our family.  This was such a shock to me because I didn't even see myself having kids till about 5 years after marriage.  I thought we'd be more settled by then and such.  But the feeling kept coming so I told my husband at the time and we began to try for a baby.

A few months later we found out I was pregnant.  It was a rough ride.  ROUGH. I was very sick and towards the end she wanted to come early so we had to go to the hospital a couple of times to stop pre-term labor.  There were other complications which lead to a cesarean birth.  I remember being so scared. SO scared. Then when I heard the sound of my daughters first cry it was the best sound I had heard in my entire life.  I loved this tiny creature and wanted only good things for her.

I remember the first time she saw autumn leaves blowing in the wind, dancing down the street.  The "ooooooohhhhs" and "aaaaaaaaaahhhhhs". I remember holding her on my lap in church and feeling her getting heavier and heavier as she drifted off to sleep.

I remember waking in the night to check on her to see if she was still breathing.  I remember her very first steps.  The look of triumph on her face.  The tears of happiness in my eyes and me being so proud of her accomplishment.

I remember her setting the cooler on fire, the look of panic and horror in her eyes.  I reacted quickly and put the fire out.  But before I did I moved her to safety.  I wish I could still move her to safety.  I wish I could always guard her against harm.  Against hurt.

So when I say I get a little sad, it's really a lot sad.  I feel I have failed her at times.  That I let her get burned by the fires of this world. And really it hurts the more because I know she will be tried and tested in this life and yes, even hurt again by things, losses, work, relationships, school, and people.

So, knowing this, what can I give to my 13 year old girl?

A sense of security- I will not leave you.  You can come to me for help. I love you.
A good attitude- Even when life gives us lemons we can turn them into lemonade.  It's easier to laugh at something than to cry over it.  Remember the time the garage door wouldn't open and we laughed hysterically because we were stuck?
Faith- If we are doing what we should it will all work for our benefit.  We will not be abandoned.
Encouragement- You are stronger than you think.  You have amazing skills and talents. You can do hard things.

It is my wish that these things will help her face the fires in the world.  I can not always protect her but I can show her how to use a fire extinguisher.  She can be the one who pulls the pin, squeezes the handle, aims at the burning mass and PUTS IT OUT.

That's got to be worth more than an iPhone.